One of the most greatest paradoxes, I think, for the budding metaphysician has to do with the question of pain and suffering -- [begging the question:] is there a purpose for it such that it might even have been pre-designed into our evolutionary process - by a *benevolent* God or Higer Power, etc? It's bound to be one of the most difficult paradoxes to give a useful explanation for - especially to people of western religious systems. And just because I think I can try a shot at this (this is about victims, right?) doesn't mean that always helps me - as quickly as I'd like - when I get caught-up in my own stuff. Yes, it happens, so what am I doing writing this? Well, after you read this you may have an idea, or at least something useful to form and answer [perhaps one or two of?] your own questions.

Hence, I have tried to develop a compassionate perspective that considers the person who is NOW feeling pain. I have to admit that I was first motivated to write on this subject after being given what I most strongly felt was not a compassionate response when I was in pain - and by someone who's advice I valued. I now value it for how it helped me formulate my own perspectives.

More recently I was given an opportunity to address the question in an internet mailing list. I employ this Q&A below to introduce the rest of my perspective (and it provides a much more compassionate approach than the one that originally motivated me):

** Question from Internet Mailing list regarding victimization: **

"Some people believe that you create your own reality but that others do not create theirs-especially little babies who have all kinds of things happen to them or children who are abused. It is a difficult concept for many people to grasp that seemingly helpless children or starving people also create their own reality. When ever you buy into the victim mentality, you send people the idea that they are powerless and you make that probability one for yourselves...." "Those who are involved in dramas in which it looks like someone is a victim are usually so out of touch with their feelings that they do not connect how they feel with what they are thinking. Victims find victims. Victors find victors. So, please,"...if "it looks as if people are hopeless victims, honor them and honor yourself by saluting that they created their own reality. ... Sometimes the greatest enlightment lies in the greatest catastrophies and the greatest difficulties." I welcome comments from anyone, especially you thoughtful and smart ones (Doesn't that include everyone?). -- L..

My Response/Perspective:

At first glance, a "metaphysics 101" principle says, in effect, that we create all of our experienc(s), therefore there are no victims. Watch out for the trap in this one. Without knowing that there is much more to this dynamic (of responsibility, claim, credit and blame, victor and victim), one can either deny the existence and/or needs of the inner-child (to have feelings considered and completed) or can deny the truths/reality of the principle itself.

Why would the Higher Self have a victimizing event occur "to" its Material Self?

The answers to that often asked question (in metaphysical circles) gets us into philosophy very quickly. From the standpoint of our living only one life, one could say that the soul chooses to make a sacrifice for the sake of other's increased understanding, compassion, generosity, etc. towards the "redemption" of all concerned. Personally, I believe God would have to be alot more cruel than I believe is likely for S/He to allow that to happen. Certainly not without alot more consideration as to the opportunities for other learning experiences by the soul who would make such as "sacrifice."

From the perspective of reincarnation, there are more possible scenarios. One is that similar to the above "sacrifice" intention, but with more opportunity (with more lives) to balance out any inequities left over in that same life. Another and different scenario is that of a Karmic-debt "owed" by the victim, which just means that the soul's only way (due to stubborness of it's personality self, etc) to learn (compassion and) not to victimize others (as it's personality has done to others in a previous live(s)) is to experience the victimization himself. There are other possible explanations or factors which I'll bring into this later.

According to one psychology perspective, victimization can also be a coping mechanism to avoid even more feared events/circumstances. To the degree that it becomes a habit, consciously wanted or not -- and it rarely is consciously wanted -- the personality develops coping mechanisms. (More on "the role of victim" later) Here is where the metaphysical explanation enters in. Coping Mechanisms become and/or beget other skills. These skills are not always used for the best purposes, and yet they can develop capabilities that can be kept after the habits and mechanisms are mechanically dropped. (Related reference: "Understanding the Pattern Triad and The Body Pattern Assessment/Reading" About Mind-Body Relationships, (from) coping mechanisms, (to) skills, (to) gifts through challenges on one's Life Path. [Rev'd & New Sections, 12/27/09])

I am now referring to resources, perceptions, skills, and pathways that have been painstakingly and ever so creatively cut out through uncharted territories of the mind and soul and upon which can be further developed and used consciously and effectively to move, transport or communicate resources needed by others as well as self.

But as is so often the case, "the gifts" here are earned by doing the role of victim - And surviving - then becoming the warrior of one's own forest. Only the soul could choose such a route - not the personality - but together they can choose to make it "worth it." But no one has a right to say that another should do this, - let alone be a premeditated co-creator in victimization - that is emotional Abuse in the form of spiritual counsel in the worst case. That's like telling someone with a hook in their gut that they should pull it out - while the standing and watching the gory event. I say he who pulls his guts out gets the credit. The exception to this - I gather from my studies, anyway - is when a true master attends that one, who with the master's assistance, chooses to play the warrior role. But the master is only serving to reflect the warrior's soul and empower the personality.

Let's suppose that there is a universe where everything is done for purpose, and each purpose is part of a larger purpose, and this is part of a plan for (psycho-social/spiritual) evolution of souls. (dreamy, eh?) Now, why would people incarnate into that world, knowing from a soul level that they would be emotionally and/or sexually abused by their parents? Many body-workers and psychologists are very aware that there is a strong correlation between infant abuse, out-of-body experience, and a fear of being "in the body" that Manifests much more frequently, and/or in various situations, than would be considered optimal for psychological health. And yet, these are the individuals -- in many cases -- that have brought us so much of our current understanding of spiritual principles. And/or they are incredibly capable at transferring ("sublimating") the energy of their sexual desire, anger, and grief into creative processes in art, science, and diplomacy. This is all highly purposeful activity that the world values immensely. A related practical reference and tool might be "Questions for Boundaries -- Effective Communications of position, intention, & message, Maintaining Clarity for appropriate Connection, Direction, & Protection"

Consider the following practical, although over-simplified, scenario. A soul who, not yet incarnated in a physical body, chooses to learn about compassion. He chooses parents who (not being conscious of their own souls' intent) co-create with the soul, now as child, traumatically painful experiences. He represses the memory of the events in order to live through childhood. This sets up certain associations or patterns and related belief pattern/complexes.
          Later, he attracts mates that co-create with him (now as adult) experiences that are sufficiently similar or otherwise evocative of the same feelings as experienced in childhood. This initiates the various phases of processing. He now begins to unravel his (the soul's) part in the creation of this learning experience, and in the process, learns about compassion for those who suffer. As stated, this is overly simplistic, but gets the point across, I trust.

The inner-child represents the feeling or emotional body of our being. It is here that we may store emotions that are associated with traumatic events and/or long-term conditioning that would have us deny some part of our divine inheritance. That denial represents a victimization in that, while our mental/spiritual body may have designed such victimizing circumstances for learning a specific needed lesson (more on that later), our emotional body's inner-child has been and still is feeling the pain which is very real to it. And since the inner-child is a real aspect of ourselves as long as we exist on the earth plane, so is the pain also real - as a felt indicator of need for change. Therefore, so are the feelings of victimization. The concept of "motivation and the role of the emotional body" enters in strongly here.

**** NOTES ON MOTIVATION (A PRIMARY PURPOSE FOR THE EMOTIONAL BODY?) ****

Motivation - it's only purpose is to get the job done. It only needs to do that - pain is Not a necessity UNLESS that's the only way to get done just what has to be done. There are many ways to motivate. This implies that children, prisoners, nations, etc. do not need necessarily to experience pain in order to conform to appropriate standards. First try love, challenge, compassion, etc. and appeal to their higher nature. Then try mediation, compromise, or reward. Then try guilt or manipulation, etc. if absolutely necessary -- if nothing else works, in other words (when the objective is critical - otherwise the losses and karma would be greater for All concerned).

'The Law of Karma', just in case you didn't know, is all about the learning process, which process, according to many, is the reason for living in a physical body, taking up time and space, having experience, relationship with anyone or anything. As such, the concepts of *fairness*, revenge or retribution, debt, (etc), take on a meaning that is apparently foreign to most people on the planet. And yet I certainly like to think it can't be wrong to expect such things as basic respect from others. Indeed, I believe it is humanity's Karma to learn how to give it to everyone. Related aspects covered in the essay, Evolution Trends..." in the section "On Learning, Fairness, Truth, and Peace", and in essay, "WHY PAIN? Notes on Pain, Awareness & Denial," Pertains to Physical and other levels - Aspects in Developing a Practical Approach with Compassion.

We need new motivators, based on love and acceptance. The back and forth karmic cycle of abuser and abused is supposed to wake us up to need for new behavior and ways to transition us to it. It is not supposed to provide another justification for added insult and injury, more punishment and reward syndrome reinforcement, all of which maintains the attitudes that produce the abuse cycle in the 1st place. The cycle has to stop somewhere - revenge does not cure addiction! Revenge has become much of the motivation behind the systems we have created to provide justice - via reward and punishment. So what other ways can we develope to transition us from where are now to where we want to be? It will happen - and likely take a few hundred years, but it has to be approached like there is faith in this or it won't happen. It has begun, so what's the next step? What's the end product - what does that feel like, what would look like? God is not going to rob us of our learning process by "saving" us. S/he wants to be able to give US the credit, so we'll feel good about being with Him/Her. 1-17-94

Hence, one can't beat, separate, or condemn someone (or some part of someone) into healing or even changing. Under those conditions more feelings of rebellion and resistance to change are created. At best we create a fear-motivated and pain-motivated person, society, or country that trains its offspring, its body, to be likewise motivated. All of which ends up cycling back to what you originally fought and denied and then acted as if there was no reason for. Acting as if there IS reason for a condition puts us in charge - gets us to the root of the need that the destructive behavior was created to fulfill. Then Healing can BEGIN. It seems to me that God didn't say - "Be a nice and willing victim for awhile and then I'll reward you," - but more likely something like, "Learn how to be all you can be -- YOU have to discover your options, make decisions, and take risks -- and I'll help you when you listen."

More on the Emotional Body and Motivation at: "Emotion & Motivation on the Path and in Healing"

Re: Poorness, Guilt, Cruelty, and "...something to cry about"

If one feels one has unecessary advantage (Health, Wealth, Connections, etc.) -- whether it is true or because one has been "trained" to believe it -- and feels guilty for it while others have so much lack and pain; Then one way to keep from feeling the pain (of others) is to make others (who are less advantaged) wrong for being so disadvantaged and miserable, and make self right for having advantage and no *apparent* pain. The fundamentalists justify this by saying "God is punishing them; rewarding me"; the (fundamentalist) "New Agers": "my good thoughts and/or Karma is returning to me and their wrong thoughts and bad Karma is returning to them;" favorites we love to hate: "you are just trying to manipulate me into giving you what you can't earn yourself, worse you are trying to make me feel and that is really going to piss me off and get you hurt, since all I feel is anger, and besides, that doesn't solve any problems, so just stop whinning and go get [a job, or a wife, a psychiatrist, a rifle, etc]."

In any case, one would (unjustly) feel more justified therefore in not extending compassion through feeling others' pain and sending prayers and/or acknowledging their true worthiness to have good in their lives. OR worse, because they feel they need to defend their advantaged position -- less they lose it -- they accuse the disadvantaged and miserable of earning their misery. Their response is very similar to the bitter father's injunction -- "If you continue to cry, I'll give you something to cry about." It comes across as punishment for feeling pain, not to mention invalidation of feelings, and strongly encourages the miserable to deny their misery, lest they be made even more miserable. And that's a popular form of insulation among those who are advantaged by position and influence to be able to do something about other's pain, but refuse to even acknowledge it. Why ? They simply aren't strong enough to feel their own pain yet.

From another angle: *If* one's previous attempts (in infancy/childhood or even later) to express the grief and sadness was answered with something like that ("don't hurt/cry"), and if what one perceives via one's feeling body is only allowed to be interpreted (by/to one's mind) only in terms of pity and manipulation (when not doing satiation/exilleration or some addictive behavior [eg: workaholism, sexaholism,] or substance), *THEN* it's likely that any invitation to feel other feelings/emotions can feel very threatening -- which state usually brings on the only other recourse -- anger (if not depression or an illness of some kind to avoid the anger)-- in order to avoid expressing the grief and sadness of actual loss that was never allowed to be safely dealt with. Obviously, in order to heal that pain, one would have to acknowledge it and feel it vs pretend it's not there / never happened. And in terms of getting this through to someone else, it probably won't happen to the degree that this someone is in a reactionary mode based on alot of old pain around being manipulated (eg: being "made to feel"). A related essay: "WHY PAIN? Notes on Pain, Awareness & Denial" (Physical and other levels) -- Aspects in Developing a Practical Approach with Compassion)

More on "the role of victim":

One IS a victim so long as one associates consciously or unconsciously with the pain of victimization -- which includes any form of making one feel one is less than one is. One will do just that, and play the victim role to one degree or another until the pain and the experience that created it is dealt with. What one denies, one empowers. As the idea of responsibility takes hold, the feelings of victimization begin to be addressed via belief pattern work and emotional clearing, forgiveness, etc. While experience for learning may include taking on such a role, I emphatically believe there is no appropriate justification or beneficial reason to CONSCIOUSLY create or condone a victimizing experience for oneself or others.

"Revictimization" (the re-experience of guilt/helplessness for past events), occurs when a victim is convinced that s/he is TO BLAME for her/his painful experiences, thereby re-experiencing the judgment that created the blocked memory and emotions in the first place. So, primary to the whole clearing process is dealing with the judgment and its origins. Once the "victim" builds enough self-esteem, they become strong enough to deal with the issue of responsibility for their creations. Then they will do the necessary therapy on the issue(s) at hand and will ventually come to drop the victim associations and role. This role has once childhood protected him/her from the intense shame associated with the event. In this case, it may feel better to feel like a victim -where others are perceived as responsible - than to be/FEEL personally at fault for the wrong-doing (in shame). The shame feeling is only a result of buying into the judgment (as perceived, consciously or unconsciously, coming from those who know) that begat the shame in the first place.

Forgiveness can occur when the needs for feeling valid are felt to be fulfilled, even though, in many instances the associated material or tangible losses are known to be irrecoverable (for whatever reason). The above "transition" process is usually a difficult one, however, depending on how long and strongly one has depended unconsciously on the victim role (to get the "payoff"). If this last concept of "the payoff" seems apathetic or cruel to you, you will find solace and illumination in the published works of such authors as John Bradley and Staphanie Covington and in related programs: ACA (Adult Children Anonymous), and CODA (Co-Dependents Anonymous).

According to one perspective, ideal health of the emotional-body" can be defined (if not actually attained except by "masters," through perhaps many persistant lifetimes) as, "A state of corporeal embodiment of Being wherein the emotional body is fluid -- totally so, such that no attachments to emotions or emotional states, or to the lack of same, exist, and such that there are no judgments that restrict the flow or awareness to same; the present is experienced/felt as present (totally new) experience; feeling states and associated images of the past do not block or functionally impair perception of any relevant current data; sufficient detachment from emotions to eliminate emotional reaction while increasing feeling-response-ability and choice, and simultaneous disidentification with any emotional aspect and still retaining capacity for total empathy as consciously directed."

A note of loving caution: as long as we make ourselves wrong for being less "realized" than what we are, our ego will grasp to identify with "higher" states. This can serve to motivate but also creates blindness to the "Present Moment" wherein self-realization occurs. It does this by using the mind to fool ourselves into believing our dreams are here-and-now realities, while it denies that it still holds on to old patterns. The liberating implication therefore, is that there is no healthy reason to judge oneself, let alone punish oneself, for being where one is in the process.

© Chris Pringer, 7-30-96 [reformatted slightly since originally on web page]